the momentum is gone

Oh no! I was doing so good this morning. I went shopping, did laundry, cleaned out my car, and then washed my car. But as I slowed down to enjoy a late lunch, that's when it all ended. My squishy behind has felt it's counterpart, my lumpy couch (good thing those adjectives aren't switched!) and now, it promises not to move for anything less than an apocalypse.

For some reason, the question, "If you were an animal, what would you be?" seems to come up a lot in my life. Another variation includes, "What is your favorite animal?" And no, I am not in 2nd grade. Blame it on lame icebreakers and those discussion classes where the group is small enough and the teacher feels the need to do some ice breaking so everyone can get super close and bond over the course of the quarter.

Anyway, where was I? Oh yes, well, I've started to enjoy answering by saying "I would be a black stallion" in a really cool and sublime way. Because I'm wild, and free, and beautiful, duh. On days like this, though, I think a sloth is a more appropriate animal. Days like this, being most days. On my good days, I'm maybe a turtle. I'm mellow, with a hard outer shell, and kind of snappy. But that doesn't make for quite as good of an impression.

Have you ever noticed how in those classes there's always the same type of people? There's that super unique girl that says she's a platypus, thus cementing how unique she is. That guy who sits in the back and slouches in his chair and says in a tone of complete boredom that he's something awesome like a lion or cheetah, when clearly he is not. There's that really nice, cute but forgettable type of girl that says she's a dog. And then there's that slightly overweight dorky Asian guy who says he's a panda, sometimes said with a laugh if he thinks he's one of the funny slightly overweight dorky Asians.

And now that I have effectively wasted time writing this, I think I'll go back to doing nothing. Me FTW!

at her feet was a footloose man

I must admit, I'm pretty addicted to Glee. Just in time for the hiatus until April. Woo!

I haven't done this in a while...

The Good: Although the first episode felt like some strange mixture of High School Musical and the movie Election, it was also pretty much brilliant. Somehow it managed to hit all the right notes (a pun!) and it was sweet, funny, and damn entertaining. While the rest of the season never quite reached that peak, it sometimes came pretty close. And always, even though they are obviously lip syncing, the song and dance numbers are fun! And the MVP of the series, Sue Sylvester, never fails to be awesome. I can't wait to ride that train next spring; destination: HORROR!

The Bad: Honestly, the characters are pretty blah. Not that they don't have personality, but even the likable ones aren't really people that endear themselves to you. Rachel's the lead character, yet most episodes you just kind of hate her. Will's kind of annoying. Kurt has troubles being gay, but sometimes he's just a bitch. There's Sue, but she's more of the love-to-hate variety. Eveyone's sort of two dimensional, and some characters, like The Other Asian, don't even have lines. I love Glee, but if the show never came back, I wouldn't really care about what ever happened to these characters. All I'd miss was snazzy renditions of catchy songs.

The Ugly: The writing is so all over the place it gives me whiplash. Stupid story lines about fake babies and yearbook defacing... it doesn't go as far as complete satire, yet it's not a realistic show in any way. Sue is a cold-hearted villain who enjoys kicking a person when he's down, yet she has enough empathy to visit her mentally challenged sister every week? I'm just really really confused with what type of show this is. The plots seem to almost act as draping for an excuse to break out in song and dance every week. See if this seems familiar:

Will walks in rehearsal room

Will: Hey kids! I have a new number for us to practice! This is because (it's a new category for competition, Artie's in a wheel chair, we need more hair in our numbers, etc.), so let's get started! Rachel you are the lead!

Rachel smiles HUGELY.
Kurt rolls his eyes.
Mercedes shoots her the death glare.
Finn tries to figure out what the word "practice" means.
Quinn pouts.

The singing starts and all the "kids" get into it!

Will: That was great guys! We're going to blow them away at sectionals!

Kids cheer!

Sue walks in

Sue: You look like a lesbian, Will. My Cheerios RULE ALL! I'm going to destroy your little Glee club. MWAHAHAHA.

Will looks angry.

END SCENE

Does it seem familiar? That's because it happens EVERY SINGLE EPISODE.

In conclusion, I'm such a sucker for cheesy musical numbers and get easily sucked into teen dramas. And I'm proud of it!

it's december!

I really enjoyed the gloomy weather today. Although I guess "gloomy" is a word that doesn't do it justice. The sky looked like it was covered with a million little cotton balls, and the trees swayed slowly in the cold December air reaching out to unseen memories in the years of their life that got them to stand so tall. It made me nostalgic for simpler times, for who takes the time to stare up at the sky anymore? Who wonders how old a tree is?

I looked out my window today for quite a while. I felt like I was staring at the essence of beauty.

on happiness

In our quest for ultimate happiness in the form of complete satisfaction, are we just setting ourselves up for disappointment?

The more books that are written for self-empowerment, instructions on how to be Happy, and those on achieving some sort of modern American dream, the more unhappy we all seem to be. It's like people have begun to expect to be happy all the time... and any signs of depression just means you need medical attention.

There's so much focus on self-fulfillment, and messages on how to live The Good Life. I seriously hate watching movies or shows about the 1960s (I'm looking at you, Mad Men and Revolutionary Road), that seem to exist only to point out how desperately sad and caged in everyone was back then. "Thank GOD for all the freedom we have now! WHO wants to live in the SUBURBS?!" the shows yell at you as they blow smoke in your face. "Be selfish, and be directionless, I mean SPONTANEOUS, and BE HAPPY!"

I'm not saying there's anything wrong with wanting it all. It's just that people need to remember that Happiness isn't a goal. It's just an emotion. There's a reason we feel it all-- good and bad.

...But anyway, I'm starting to feel super preachy, so I'll end with something that will hopefully make you... a little happy! =)




Now, aren't you happy you're not in a love triangle with a lazy-eyed girl who's careless with her epileptic dog? Win!

time flies...

Time is something you seem to lose sense of, even when it’s staring you right in the face. The older we get, the faster it seems to go, when really, it’s one of the few stable things in life. Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.

A lot of people say timing is everything. I tend to think that’s true only because people let it. Sometimes the most inconvenient timing of something amazing can still be amazing if you’re willing to inconvenience yourself a little. So take a chance, because that perfect moment, where all the stars align, and all the fates come together… well… who has time to wait for that?

sigh...

For some reason I’m in a Wicked mood. The Broadway musical, not the British kind. I don’t know what it is about listening to old songs, whether it’s from a few years ago or a few decades ago, but I find is really comforting. It’s familiar, and brings back feelings and memories. I like that.

Sometimes I feel like all I do is wish for the past, or wait for the future. The present always just seems like a waste of time.

Bah Humbug

I know it’s only Halloween, but it’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas to me! Last year I had this problem of lacking any holiday cheer, right up until Christmas Eve. I got some of that last minute holly and mistletoe spirit in me by watching It’s A Wonderful Life on TV. I also got some of that spirit by drinking… well… spirits.

Oh, I kid.

Anyway, the point is, can it be Christmas time already? I know in a month I’ll be overwhelmed with saccharine songs and images of jolly fat men, but right now I’d love the smell of pine needles and ginger snaps.

Last year I worked in a store-that-shall-not-be-named, and the good cheer we had to keep circulating in the air is probably what sapped me of any Christmas joy. The store had one CD of Christmas songs that it would play over and over and over and over again. One CD. That’s like 15 songs. All day long. Paired with the incessant consumerism and dealings with frazzled housewives, I pretty much wanted to throw up all over Christmas and yell “Take that! How do YOU like it?!”

I miss the old days of listening to the Muppets sing Christmas songs from the cassette player in the car. I miss the presents being endless and big under a real tree I went with my family to pick out two weeks before. I miss hanging a wreath outside my door and poinsettias on the dining room table. I miss stockings and hot chocolate and movies starring Tim Allen. Maybe some of that I still have, but now the magic feels as faded as the memories.

Yet I still anticipate this season’s arrival, because despite its inevitable let down, being a Scrooge in December is more fun that being a Scrooge in July.

the edge of reason

I always break a nail at the most inopportune moment. I f-- up job interviews. More times than not I have a run in my stockings (and for men who complain about wearing a tie to work, try wearing pantyhose every day). I sing the wrong words to songs. It takes me a while to do simple math in my head. I'm sometimes late to class, and if I'm on time, that just means I've forgotten my homework. When I wake up in the morning I don't feel like doing my hair up in some perfect kind of coif. I feel like going back to bed. And I will never, ever be Skinny Enough.

Every woman has felt like Bridget Jones at one point or another. Sure it's the 21st century, but there's no denying that a single 35 year old man is a very different thing than a single 35 year old woman. That is a very scary future (or present) for all of us. Every woman has felt too fat, smoked or drank too much, burned a dinner, and dated the wrong guys while waiting for the right one. Bridget Jones is the clumsy girl who says the wrong thing at the wrong time in all of us.

And all we want is for someone to tell us they like us.
Just as we are.

But besides that, it's not like we can't kick our bad habits, get in shape, and have an awesome career anyway.

love me, love me, say that you love me

I’d like to think that I’m above hollow phrases of congratulations or insincere condolences. I wish I had enough sensibility to detest jargon of every kind, and abhor language that has been worn and hackneyed beyond all sense and meaning. But alas, I’m a fisher for compliments, and a sympathy whore.

When I tell you I’m sick, I expect the utmost attention and well wishes to get better. I want you to OOO and AHH at my achievements and lay accolades at my feet. That paper I got an A on, that just slipped out of my book and into your hands was no accident, my friend. I want you to feel my pain, and rejoice in my success; and if you don’t give a damn, well I don’t give a damn—pretend you’re sad/happy for me anyway! I purposely get haircuts twice a year, so that when I do, people notice. As I sheepishly accept compliments on my stylish new look, I’d in reality be sorely disappointed if you didn’t say anything at all.

Call me shallow. Call me conceited. Call me narcissistic. But only in your head. Because to my face, you better call me awesome.

on love and lost

It’s hard getting past the debris, the little ways someone you used to love has littered your life. The song he would play in the car every time the two of you drove down to the beach. His favorite movie where he could quote every line. The sticker he put on the wall—the one you tried to peel off, but the sticky remains stick stubbornly in place. Encounter any of these… and all it does is remind you that the memories are really all that you have left of him. Time heals all wounds, but love has a carbon life—and it seems to linger even when it’s dead.

~*~*~*~* ~*~*~*~*~*~*

Growing up you learn something about long distance friendships. It’s all about what it’s worth to you, and how you learn to deal that decides how well you stay in touch. After high school, after college, after your first job, you move away—and you move away alone. It would be nice to take your best friend, your (soon to be ex) boyfriend, or even your parents, along for the ride, but the car’s only got room for one passenger, and you aren’t as thin as you used to be, so no squeezing!

But as people, we’re adaptive animals, and we learn to live without the ones we love inhabiting our lives every day. Soon, you get so used to not having them around, that you’d barely know what to do with them if they suddenly moved next door. You keep in touch with letters, or emails, or phone calls, but for the everyday headaches, and troubles, and happiness, and laughter… you find someone else to share those things with.

It becomes a different kind of relationship, a long distance one, and it doesn’t have to be any less deep, or close, or important, it just changes. I wish you could be here, you think into the cosmics, some random point on some random day, wondering if the person you love is thinking the same thing. But they’re not there with you no matter how hard you wish, and while it sucks, it’s okay too. Because if you did your job right, you know they’ll always be there for you, even if they’re a thousand miles away.

~*~*~*~* ~*~*~*~*~*~*

I lost my favorite pair of socks, and aside from wondering “How does one lose a pair of socks?” I can’t help but think, “WHY that pair of socks, of all my pairs of socks?!”

I never thought much of it when I had it. But suddenly, now that it’s gone, boy do I miss it.

i'm just rambling at this point

There's something satisfying about fullness.

A full tank of gas.

A fully stocked fridge.

A belly full of turkey.

It's warm and comforting, and gives one a feeling of preparedness. Whenever I'm filling something up, be it a box, or uh, some other kind of container, I can't help but self-congratulate myself with a "Good job, Christina! You're really doing something productive." It's like, I'm adding something to the world. With my stuff!

But thinking about it more, there are some instances where full things are not so fun. Usually because they smell.

Laundry.

The trash can.

These things are also unfortunate because instead of suggesting the completion of some kind of task, it calls for more errands and/or effort on my part.

it should happen to you

Isn't it a funny thought, the importance and the meaning of a single, ordinary life? Is it fair to call a life ordinary? Who can say what counts as extraordinary?

There are obvious cases of the extra-ness. People who have touched thousands or millions of lives. (Michael Scott touched two lives, the moment he was born!) Whether it be Hitler, or Gandhi, or James Dean... but fame or infamy do not necessarily tell the whole story. For every Holocaust victim, the SS officer who watched them burn was a much more tangible threat than the mastermind himself. The world watched Gandhi strike, strike for rights and freedoms they supported, while they themselves ate their dinners that night. We admire the rebel without a cuase, but our own rebellions, whatever they may be, were for our own causes.

There's an old movie with Judy Holliday and Jack Lemon. She becomes famous being the face of billboards around New York City, and he becomes her common sense.

"I'd rather mean something to a few people," he tells her when her 15 minutes of fame go to her head, "than a whole lot of nothing special to everyone." Or, you know, something like that.

Even the rare few who make it into the pantheon of immortal icons we fear or admire or strive to be only lived as great as those directly around them saw them to be. Life isn't a popularity contest. The most ordinary life won't make in into the history books, but it'll still be part of history.

A Butterfly

I’m not a butterflies-in-the-stomach sentimental-romantic type of girl. When I get crushes, which is rare, I don’t really get nervous. My main reflex is to maybe smile a lot when I’m around someone who gets my heart beating, but that’s a secret just between you and me.

I wouldn’t ask for much. Just a thoughtful gesture now and then.

But I wonder what it would feel like to be in the head over heels, kick me in the balls type of LOVE. There are so many songs dedicated to love and heartache, it must really be something to inspire such insipid descriptions.

Ok, I notice I’m sounding awfully bitter and cynical at this point, but actually all I’m saying is I just don’t UNDERSTAND it all. There was a period where literally every song on the radio related to my life, and every movie plot could have been made up of scenes from my (imaginary) life. Right now, however, love is just a noun.

You’ve lost that love good feeling, the Righteous Brothers once sang. I just hope one day I have it to lose.

A Bird

I wonder what it’s like to be a bird. It seem like every trapped little girl’s fantasy—to fly over the suburb’s walls and fences caging her in. You know, she wants to spread her wings and all that jazz. But me personally, I actually never gave it much serious thought until I typed out that sentence.

Maybe it’s not all it’s cracked up to be. Like in Ella Enchanted, when the fairy turns herself into a squirrel and realizes that a squirrel’s life is not actually like it’s portrayed in Disney movies. The squirrel gets hungry and cold, and carried off by eagles.

In this case, though, I guess it’s the EAGLE you would be. Ha. Still, I can’t imagine it’d be squirrel buffet all the time.

But really, a lot of freedom isn’t necessarily a good thing. There can definitely be too much. Some people like more freedom than others, and maybe I’m the other end of the spectrum that really likes structure. I can’t imagine living life without thinking, elementary school, middle school, high school, college, job. I like having a scheduled place to be every day. Deadlines and assignments, and projects with a finished product. It gives me purpose in a potentially chaotic world. Wondering what I’m going to do on a Saturday night is about as thrilling as it gets.

On that note, it is a bit disconcerting to realize how directionless I currently am. Ideally I would laugh in the face of Disarray and yell “I wouldn’t have it any other way! This is freedom, damn it, and I’m going to enjoy not knowing! I’m awesome and adventurous!” But inside is a secretly growing fear of the unknown.

Because what people fear most is the unknown. Life could be great, but we are hardwired to fear the worst.

So in conclusion, I think it’d be kind of cool to be a bird. It’ll probably help me get over my fear of heights.

But I'd probably get shot by a hunter anyway.

A Marathon

We sit here wasting away like mangoes on rotten trees. If someone were to ask you what is your purpose in life, what would you say? For me, all I can muster is a, “I live… to keep living.” But isn’t there something more? Back in high school I thought, OH HO! I have figured it all out, you tricky bastards running the universe. Life is like a race. You work hard to get from check point to checkpoint, and you have these goals in mind… but really all you’re doing is running. Life is a marathon, and the finish line is death.

That’s why people are religious. So they can believe in something greater then themselves, because really what is more depressing than seeing life as one long, exhausting race? Even in races, there are people on the sidelines, offering you tiny Dixie cups of water; but in life, there are rarely handouts, and you definitely can’t count on them to keep you going.

But I’m not feeling particularly negative about life right now. No, I’d say it’s pretty good. But just… doesn’t it suck when sometimes you just need a little time to catch your breath, but you know the moment you do, all the other races will run right past? There’s a reason why people call it the “rat race,” and we are all just rats.

A Memoir

Reading a memoir is like getting to know someone from the inside, out. You think their thoughts, feel their feelings, and live in their world. It’s consuming, even if it’s only for a brief few hours, a few pages at a time. Oftentimes the author experiences a large shift. A change in location, occupation, or taste. And as the person discovers this new view of the world, so do you; and you are a richer person for it. Their perspective co-mingles with yours, and another person, a complete stranger, has changed you.

Look at my life, look at its importance! An underlying neurotic layer screams from underneath. My perspective is different and unique!

Yet I can’t help but wonder how my life would measure up. Sitting here in my apartment—an instance in the makeup of an extraordinary life. I would write…

“As I sat in my apartment, living my average life, the sudden realization of what it all meant came crashing down. It all means nothing, unless you write it down. Who is to remember what happened in your century of life, a whisper of existence among billions? Who cares? It’s up to you to make it matter. So I sit here in my apartment, writing, and enjoying the sun streaming in, thankful for the hole in the roof my realization has caused.”

Suddenly, I see the light.

That time in kindergarten that boy spit in my face? A wet memory for my memoir. That Halloween I spent laying in bed with a twisted arm instead of going to the annual church Halloween festival? One painful page of my memoir. That time I laughed so hard I fell off the couch? Another memory. That time we kissed under the moonlight for the first time… and then I burped in your face? Another chapter.

None of it really matters in the end. But it matters now. It matters to you.

30 second meal

Because I am a college student…

I am lazy, poor, and hungry.

Today’s lunch consisted of leftovers.

Measure to taste.

Here’s my recipe:

Leftover Rice
Pepperoni minis (or whatever meat you have, like spam)
Green onions
Mushrooms
A bit of garlic salt
Shredded cheese

Mix in a bowl and microwave. In 2 minutes, you have yourself a delicious meal!

The Breakfast Club

Sometimes I just read other people's blogs. I realize how much more articulate they are, and I can't write anymore.

RIP, man.

Grocery Shopping 101

Sure, you should make a practical list of all those things you want to buy at the store, but where’s the fun in that?! This is how I like to shop for my groceries, and wow does that money go fast! =(

1. Show up hungry. This way, you can gage what grub you’re feeling the most. Impulse buys happen all the time, so there’s no need to feel guilty! People will think you’re lonely if you go in and out with a half empty cart, of sensible things like bread and hot pockets. Buy big bags of chips and cookies you know you’ll only eat half of, then forget about, and have to throw the rest away. Buy these, and look like a cool person throwing down some awesome party. And bonus, since you’re not actually throwing a party, you get to eat it all yourself!!!

2. Forget your shopping list at home. That way, you’ll be sure to forget something, probably what you were going to the store to get in the first place. It’s more interesting because then it leaves you with two options: either you make another trip to the store, and get to make even more impulse purchases! Or, you make do with what you have at home and get a little creative in the kitchen. Either way, you win. I’m not sure exactly how or why, but I do this a lot, so there must be something to it.

3. Buy brand names. People say it doesn’t really make a difference, but, my friend, IT TOTALLY DOES. Sure, it might taste the same. And how many ways can you really make lotion, or cotton balls? But YOU will know that you’re using some off-brand product, and why lower your standards like that? Come on, you know Honey Nut Cheerios are somehow way crunchier and honey-er than “Honey O’s.”

4. Buy things like pre-sliced meat and pre-packaged salad. It’s way more expensive, but it’ll cut your time in the kitchen by like, 30%. And they always say, Time is Money. Be smart about this. Make life a little easier for yourself.

5. Buy in bulk and on sale. So what if you don’t usually eat it? So what if you KNOW you can only eat one bag, but the sale is 3 for 4? If you get home and discover that, whoops, you really don’t want it after all, just give it away to your hungry friends. They’ll think you’re awesome, and that’ll totally make it worth the purchase. Because then you become the person with food all the time, and people will come over all the time, and…. Well, ok, that’d be kind of annoying. Don’t do this one too much. Just once in a while.

Wish List

Well, it’s July which means half way to my birthday…. Which means… there’s a bunch of things I want right now, all of which I won’t want by the time it’s actually my birthday. For future reference, here’s my wish list. Some things are easier to get then others.

1. A netbook. Portable laptops just aren’t portable enough are they?! Mine is kind of a monster as far as laptops go, anyway, and something smaller would be nice. Then I’d have like, my phone (baby internet machine), my netbook (momma internet machine), and my laptop (papa internet machine). I could be on Facebook ALL THE TIME! All I’d have to worry about is little girls with golden locks trying to steal them.

2. A trip to Japan. Or anywhere really, but right now, I’m digging Japan. Those cute little Japanese people… aww. I think they must be small to fit on that tiny island of a country! It all makes scientific sense. Ita Daki Masu! Domo Arrigato! Mr. Roboto!

3. A cute apron like this: link to cute apron! How adorable is that?! If I had an apron like that, I’d totally be in the kitchen like ALL THE TIME. Because a lack of an apron is seriously the only reason I never cook.

4. An iPod touch. Just because everyone else has one. And I wanna be cool too!

5. A bouquet of flowers. Everyone deserves flowers once in a while. I’ve gotten then once in my life. And I told the person to buy it for me. FYI: tulips are my favorite!

6. A “Hello my name is…” name tag with the following written on it: “Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.”

7. The 5 seasons of “The Wire” on DVD. (Even though in a few months everything will be Blu-ray. Damn technology… I can never catch up!)

8. A big, comfortable king size bed. So I can feel cute and petite when I sleep.

9. Some pillows for my king size bed.

10. A room big enough to fit my king size bed.

11. A copy of “Madeline.” because I lost my copy long ago… and it’s pretty much my favorite book ever.

Looking Smart 101

Not everyone can be smart. Some light bulbs just come out of the factory dimmer then the others.

And those are the ones we throw away.

But ANYWAY, it’s fine if you’re not smart. You just need to have OTHER people think you’re smart. Here’s how you do it: (I’ll number it, so you dumb people can follow…)

1. Wear glasses. This is the most obvious thing. Ironically, if you were REALLY smart, you’d have contacts. But for some reason, glasses=smart in this world. I think it’s because of those movies. You know, the ones where the hot girl becomes the HOT girl once she takes off those HIDIOUS glasses. Hmm… on second thought, maybe don’t go for the glasses. They don’t flatter everyone. A good compromise might be reading glasses. Yeah, get reading glasses. They’re like $5 and the drugstore.

2. Carry a copy of Newsweek or Time or The Wallstreet Journal, or some other smart-seeming magazine. Any average Joe can read the newspaper; they write it at the level of 8th graders, after all. But a smarty-pants magazine? That’s special. Shows slightly more effort. It’s like, you don’t get enough CNN, you need to supplement your news with more in-depth stuff. You should get a subscription, and try to flash that little white box to strangers, so they know you “read” (you don’t actually have to read it, silly!) it every week.

3. Get a clean haircut. Something neat and simple. This will make you look more square and boring, but people will assume you are smart as well. Smart people know that presentable people are the ones that get ahead in life. If you’re not smart, but maybe at least cool, don’t be afraid of a dull haircut. Here’s what people will think of you: “Hmm… this person looks… kinda boring…. Wait, did he/she just make a funny joke? I am intrigued!” See? Wow them with your personality and change their first impression. BUT the fact that their first impression was of you being smart, well, that’ll always be subconsciously in their head anyway! WIN-WIN!

4. Use big words and reference obscure things. If you’re around other not-so-smart-people, you can get away with using fake words and references. Using fake words is also easier on you. Be like, “Yes, I agree that his move was completely suausnous! It’s all very Simon Becker of him.” No one will know what you’re talking about, but they’ll be too embarrassed to seem uncultured to call you out on it. If they do, just act incredulous, like, “YOU don’t know who SIMON BECKER is?” And then walk away. People will be stunned with just how smart you are because you are acting like a supreme douche. Smart people are almost always supreme douches.

Good luck wowing them at the next meet-and-greet!

Thoughts on HPB

[I love this picture. Nitpicky-- Dumbledore needs to be taller...]

HBP is what all the cool kids call it. I’m talking about Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, yo. Ok, I guess we’re not the cool kids. We’re the dorky ones. But you know what? We get to dress up in cool costumes on a night that is not Halloween, and can you say you can do that? YEAH that’s what I thought, you poser.

So I went to the Harry Potter premiere last night. I did NOT dress up, in case you were wondering. Unless you were referring to my awesome new shirt and cute jeans.

Let me tell you, never again could I do it. I love me some dorky things, but I’m more of a dork-reading-in-my-room-by-myself kind of gal, not the let’s go to Comic-Con!!! type of person. In other words, I’m anti-social and agoraphobic.

Here are my random, unorganized thoughts on the movie. SPOILER ALERT if you haven’t seen it yet. (WHY haven’t you seen it yet?!):

-Harry Potter is short. Ginny is way too tall for him.

-Speaking of Ginny, sucks to be her with Hermione totally bringing the hotness. Just makes her look so… plain. She’s actually kinda cute-ish, but Hermione is REALLY cute! And I say this as a person that does not even like movie-Hermione.

-My word processor accepts “Hermione” as a real name! That’s awesome!!! I hate those red squiggly lines!

-Draco Malfoy is tall. And thus, HOT. All hot and tall and lanky in his black suit… yum. He’s a little HFFA (hot from far away), because his face just makes him look old, but how picky can I be? Who am I gonna oogle over? RON?!

-Poor Ron. They didn’t even give him lines in the last scene! WTF?! Way to make him seem useless! He’s not THAT dumb and boring! Ugh.

-Cormic McLaggin was pretty cute too.

-Bellatrix is awesome.

-Dumbledore is mediocre, and it’s kind of sad. Too little Dumbledore, too much Malfoy. Too little Pensieve scenes. Too much… I don’t even know? It was kind of a slow movie, huh?

-The movie was seriously fucking my eyes. Visually, I think it is my favorite Harry Potter. All the other ones looked amazing too, but this one was super enjoyable, I think. Maybe I just never appreciated it before. Since the story felt kind of slow, all the suspense (what little there was) came from the camera movements. Kudos on cinematography, as always.

-I don’t know how they could have made the story more interesting, because it followed the book… but something… some emotional connection or fluid storytelling… seemed lacking. It’s an inherent problem of the medium because obviously not everything can be carried over from book to movie, and through that transition, some things just get lost…

-I’m trying so hard not to be nit-picky but certain things like them just leaving Dumbledore’s dead body laying there for, like, forever, bothers me. I understand not having the funeral, but I wish we could have seen the white casket, Faulks burning… etc.

-Totally just remembered, aren’t certain things involving the Elder Wand important to set up at the end of this movie? I’m guessing they’re just going to change a lot of that, but… still.

-And now I just want to go re-read the book!

I Like Movies

And this is why I write.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/07/09/AR2009070902567.html?wprss=rss_print/style

Writing A Song 101

So there’s this girl you want to woo? And you’re just inspired to write a song? Well good for you! You’re such a player. But you can’t just write anything. It’s gotta be something good.

Here’s something good:
Coldplay: Yellow

Here’s something bad:
Nick Andopolis: Lady L

Here’s how to write YOUR song:
1. Have a good melody. Not great with the guitar? (And note: it must be a guitar. Unless you’re really good with a piano. That’s the only exception. And you must be really good.) Make it simple. Simple is better, anyway. It tricks the girl into thinking you’re cute and quirky. It’s more romantic for some reason. Plus, it’s just weird if you’re like, rocking out to some awesome rift you made up in the middle of your love song.

2. Come up with some clever lyrics. This is so duh, but have at least one memorable line in your song. Lucky you, lines always sound better when sung anyway.

3. Don’t be too needy. Coldplay can pull it off because they’re fucking Coldplay, but don’t be all, I CAN’T LIVE WITH OUT YOUUUUUUU in your song. Focus on how amazing she is. Make it a little personal. Make it all about her.

4. Do not make the focus of the song her name. It’s cheesy and awkward. And a lot of names are hard to rhyme with anyway. Do include her name somewhere, but like, once. Or if you must, in the chorus once is OK too. Sometimes, forgoing a chorus at all is kind of cool too, if it’s a good song.

5. Do not recycle this song with another girl. That’s just messed up. I can’t believe you even considered it, you jerk.

6. Keep it short. No matter how amazing your voice is, a 10 minute song gets awkward to listen to. Remember, she’s kind of just sitting there, and keeping a smile plastered on for more than a few minutes gets tiring. She’ll start to drift and it’ll definitely lessen the effect. She’ll also think you’re kind of a douche for writing such a long song.

******

So there’s this guy that broke your heart? And you need to let it out in an artistically releasing way? Well, sure! Write a song about the asshole. Believe me, it’ll totally make you feel better.
Here’s how to write a sad/angry break up song:

1. Cry a little. You know you want to, so don’t be embarrassed. Make sure the piece of paper you plan to write your lyrics on is out, though. You’ll want it to be all tear stained, because that makes the process more legit.

2. Make sure you’re writing in black ink. That’s what artists use. Don’t use that pink gel pen, even if it smells nice and fruity. You’re mourning here, be a little serious!

3. Doodle artistically in the margins. It’ll compliment the tear stain effect.

4. Come up with some good lines. Be clever about your lyrics, because it’ll show how awesome and smart you are, and isn’t he just a loser for loosing you?! For example, don’t outright say his name. Disguise who exactly you’re talking about, and if you want, maybe even give him, or refer to him with, some embarrassing nickname. Carly Simon did it best with her little song: “You're so vain/ You probably think this song is about you/ You're so vain/ I'll bet you think this song is about you/ Don't you? Don't you?”

5. Don’t think you’re Alanis Morissette. She could pull off the angry “I hate you for life” type stuff, but honestly, it usually just comes off desperate. Be mellow. Slowly release that hate and anger, and you’ll come up with something that sounds a lot better, mature, and normal.

6. Sing it with emotion. That’s what’s going to make or break your song—how much you put into it. So put it all in. He was a sucky boyfriend anyway. ;)

Dating 101 (Part 2)

Step 4: Take the plunge

Gage the situation, and eventually, ask her out. Preferably in person. This is scary, but it’s mainly for your benefit. I’m just watching out for you, man. You’re going to want to see her reaction, because you’ll be able to tell if it’s a green light, or a yellow.

…ARG, did you wimp out? Again?! Yeah, I know she’s cute, but hold it together man! OK, you can do it online if you must. Bring up a movie you want to see, or a restaurant you want to try. Ask her if she wants to go. If she says yes, be cautiously excited. She might just be nice, but she wouldn’t see you if she didn’t at least think you were an OK guy, so you’re pretty much in. (If you had asked in person, it would be easier to tell her level of interest, but it’s ok, I understand that there’s a reason you’re still single. OH I kid. You’re awesome. Don’t ever doubt yourself!)

If she says no, take a step back. If she says no, but seems like she’d be willing to go some other time, definitely go for it. Don’t think about it that much, just do it.

Be careful of how you phrase the asking out. The best thing to do online is make it a spontaneous, “Let’s go right now” type of thing. DON’T back her into a corner and ask “When are you free sometime this week so we can go to _____ together?” Doing things online gives her too much time to think, and sometimes… it’s better if she doesn’t have time to think too much.


Step 5: Recovery

At this point, you either got the date, or you didn’t. If you didn’t, she’s probably just not that into you. It’s up to you whether or not you want to continue the friendship.

If, however, you are a stubborn guy, perhaps, well maybe she’s just shy. This is not usually the case, so don’t push it too much, but if you really just HAVE to make sure…

Option 1: Ask her out in a group. Invite her to the bar with you and your friends. Or to a late night showing of a movie you were going to see anyway.

Option 2: Feeling bold? Yeah, you can ask her out again. If there’s another excuse though, with no suggestion of a reschedule, give it up.

Option 3: Study date. Strange that you haven’t asked her to do this before, if the circumstances fit. Just thought I’d throw it out there anyway.

Option 4: Be her friend. This pretty much ensures that you’re never going to get more than a “Aw, you’re an awesome friend!” Hug, but hey, you can dream big, and crazier things than friends hooking up have happened. Just don’t hold your breath. And if you do, be prepared to hold it for a while. Eventually you’ll start hanging out together, but as just friends. Damn. This is pretty much the worst option.


Step 6: Move on

So you tried a couple times, and you could keep trying, but don’t be an idiot. Find another cute girl. Stop seeing this one, even as a friend, if you’re not noticing any other cute girls. There are ALWAYS cute girls, and you are just blinded by your crush. Extract yourself from the situation, gently, because she’ll notice once you stop calling/texting/facebooking/whatever. And then you just come off like a bad friend.

Find someone else, and start all over. Isn’t dating fun?

Cynics say that dating is a numbers game. Don’t be a whore about it, but just know that for every girl your friend nicknamed Casanova banged, there’s a girl out there that rejected him.

Dating 101 (Part 1)

This one is for the guys:

Like a girl but not sure what to do? Here’s a sure fire way to find out whether she’s too hot for you or not!

Step 1: Make Contact

So there’s this girl, right? Yeah, she’s pretty cute. She’s making eye contact, laughing at your stupid jokes… score! Since this is the beginning, so you don’t want to fuck up. But don’t worry if you mess up a little, she doesn’t know you well enough to care yet. You still have time to make an impression, but for a good head start, you’re going to want to do this right!

If you want, you can go straight for the number. To do this, you must be fairly certain she’s interested. Sometimes it’s nice when a guy just asks, with no fake pretenses—just a simple, “Let’s go out, what’s your number?” (OK, maybe something a little more eloquent than that). But sometimes, it comes on a bit strong and girls like to be wooed. So at the very least get her screen name. At the VERY least, get her last name. So you can facebook (stalk) her.


Step 2: Chat it up

Let’s assume you do the facebook thing. Click “Add as friend” and you’re in! Look at her info and do a little background research. Hey, she likes that band too? Awesome. File that info away—don’t ever let it slip that you actually read her info, but now you have some fodder to cleverly sneak into a conversation. “Yeah, I was listening to the new ______ album last night. ….NO WAY! You like them too? My favorite song is ______” etc.

If she turned on her facebook chat, you got it easy peasy, my friend. Start a casual conversation (not gonna make it THAT easy and give you all the details!) and eventually get her AIM… because facebook chat sucks. If she’s not online, just leave a post on her wall. Make it short and simple, with an opening for her to say something back. “Hey it was nice meeting you!” is nice, but try to add something about the conversation you had, or make a joke, or ask a question, so she has more to say then “It was nice meeting you too! [You boring motherf—er] :)”


Step 3: Be there

So you met this girl in class. Or through a club. Or through a friend. Or on the bus. You’re facebook friends now, so you can start to be acquaintances in life. And you’re going to want to establish this face time if you can. If you can see her, do it. If you can’t, that’s why there’s instant messaging.

Now, this instant messaging business is not my cup of tea, but hey, that’s how people roll nowadays so I guess you can go this route. So be friendly in person, and even friendlier online. Hey, calm down, not TOO friendly, but just friendly enough. If you’re confident enough in your taste, send a few funny links. Entertain her, as if to say, “Hey I’m a fun guy! I’d be a fun date!”

Establish some rapport, and then let her know you’re interested in actually getting to know her. Ask her questions that make her think (not in a bookish way, but in an interesting and entertaining kind of way so you get an idea of what she likes to do, what she values, how she feels about certain things), and if you’re clever, questions that make her laugh. She will not laugh over sexually suggestive jokes. Do not attempt.

...TO BE CONTINUED (Tomorrow: taking the plunge, recovery, and moving on!)

Exercise 101

This one is for the girls:

UGHHHHH. What is all this FLAB?! OH GOSH those thunder thighs!! Time to start hitting that gym, girl! But the gym takes a lot of work. Here’s how to survive:

Step 1: Get an incentive

This is a tough one. First, you got to have a reason to go every day. Or every other day. Or AT LEAST once a week…. Unless it’s finals or midterms, then you just don’t have time, do you?!
GIRL, DO I HAVE TO SLAP YOU ALREADY? Stop thinking like that.

Option 1: Gym buddy! This is the best option. Thus, it’s number one position. But you must make sure that this buddy is at the same commitment level as you. It doesn’t work if she could easily go or not go to the gym. She has to want to go as much as you do. It doesn’t work if she wants to work out for 5 hours, while you’re intensity level is like, 30 minutes every day.

Option 2: Make an AWESOME KICK ASS WORKOUT PLAYLIST on your iPod. And name it “AWESOME KICK ASS WORKOUT PLAYLIST” and fill it with energy pumping songs. NOTHING slow/mellow. Think mixes have to have highs and lows? NOPE. Just keep escalating the intensity of the songs. Trust me. That’s what makes it awesome.

Option 3: Make a chart. If you’re a practical type of gal, do an excel schedule. Make a list. Whatever you gotta do to keep track of your progress to keep you motivated.

Option 4: Find a cute guy at the gym. Be it a worker, or that guy that lifting weights, and time your workouts with them.

Option 5: Obviously, just do all 4 options, and you’ll be good to go.


Step 2: Look cute

No one REALLY looks amazing at the gym, but there’s no reason you can’t try to look as hot as you can.

First, pick a good outfit. Girls always go in oversized T-shirts that they got for free from some event, but I don’t know why when Target sells perfectly good fitted sports tops. Get some short shorts and a colorful sports bra. If it’s the summer, and you’re already pretty fit, just go for it and wear that sports bra with nothing else on top. Other girls will hate you, but who cares?

Second, do your hair. Obviously it’s going to be up, but definitely make it a high pony tail. It’s perky and looks like you put more effort into it, even though it really doesn’t take that much more effort at all. If you have bangs, don’t leave it hanging. It’s just going to get annoying, and does not look good when you’re sweating. Bobby pin it up. Don’t do a messy bun unless you want to look like you just rolled out of bed. You might as well just wear a T-shirt, too, you bum. Come on, try a little!

Third, put on some make up. Ok, people are going to be like, WHY are you going to the gym with make up on? And honestly, if they can tell you’ve put on makeup, that is too much! But contrary to what they say, a little makeup is totally ok, even necessary. Don’t bother with foundation or anything. You’re just going to sweat it off. Don’t bother with blush, you’ll get naturally flushed cheeks, duh. Eyeliner looks like you tried too much. Just put on mascara and lip gloss. Effortless beauty. You’re a natural. ;) Oh, and don’t forget your stud earrings. It’s the little things that make the difference!

Once you get to the gym, stretch. I personally think stretching is the most fun, but it’s also good for you. Flexibility= good (in bed!). This is pretty much the time when you can look the hottest, so take advantage and do it before and after every workout. Practice in front of a mirror beforehand to make sure you have the most flattering positions down.

Finally, pick a good machine. The bike really doesn’t show off your body at all. Go on the elliptical, or treadmill. If you want to lift weights, use the dumb bells. Try to work out in front of a mirror if possible so you can make sure you’re looking good. I mean, using the machine correctly.


Step 3: Show it off

Go out in a short skirt and tank top. Don’t worry about the scale, or how your jeans fit. Stand up straight and smile. You look so damn hot now.

school's out for summer

There's something about rock and roll that warms your heart and fills your soul. Maybe it's rock's history, or iconic status, or simply the fact that it sounds awesome, but I'm going to say that if you're a little bit country, I'm a little bit rock and roll. Not everything can be expressed while shaking your ass out on the dance floor (I'm talking to you, KIIS FM). Sometimes people are sad. Sometimes they're happy. Sometimes they just want to beat someone up. For all of those things, there is a rock song that will fit your mood. I know I'm going through a neurotic emotional crisis when all the songs on the radio seem to reflect my own life. It might be projecting a bit to really believe that whatever those rockstars are singing about is really meant for you. It's kind of like that section in US weekly where they show celebrities eating a burrito because THEY'RE JUST LIKE US. But I still think there's an extent of universality in song lyrics that helps you connect to the music. Rock allows for such a variety of melodies, which is why it's always there to make you feel like you're not alone, no mater what you're feeling. It's a tangible thing that you can listen to and say "Yes. THESE are my emotions."

You know how they say there's a halmark card for every occasion? I like to say that there's a song for every emotion. HA! That's corny.




Young teacher, the subject
Of schoolgirl fantasy
She wants him so badly
Knows what she wants to be
Inside her theres longing
This girls an open page
Book marking - shes so close now
This girl is half his age

Dont stand, dont stand so
Dont stand so close to me

Her friends are so jealous
You know how bad girls get
Sometimes its not so easy
To be the teachers pet
Temptation, frustration
So bad it makes him cry
Wet bus stop, shes waiting
His car is warm and dry

Dont stand, dont stand so
Dont stand so close to me



...Sorry, I just got distracted by this really catchy song. ;)

Honorable Mention

Everyone's the star of the their own life, but sometimes I can't shake the feeling that I'm not even the top billing in that. There are some people that Do, and some people that Watch, and what can I say, I'm a watcher. Not in the creepy, stalker way, but lets just say that most of my thrills are of the vicarious variety. I don't think there's anything wrong with being a people-pleaser (to a certain extent), and wanting those around you to be happy, but at the same time perhaps I'm focusing on other people's happiness at the cost of my own.

Sometimes I win awards. I'm not particularly ambitious, but once in a while I'll over achieve. You know what place I always get? 4th. As in, "Well, you did a good job, and you almost deserve a real award. Here's an Honorable Mention certificate." The other award I often get is Most Improved. This one says, "Well, at least you didn't get worse! As if that were possible..." Not that I don't appreciate the recognition, but you know, I think it'd be nice to get 1st once in a while. Or even 3rd. I'm not super ambitious or anything.

So you know that question, if someone were to star in a movie about your life, who would it be? I realized I'd never really be the protagonist in anything. I'd be the quirky, sarcastic best friend to some cute girl with less wit but better luck. I'd give great advice that no one would ever follow. Circumstance would propel her to fame and fortune, or at least get her a guy, and I'd be there to eat ice cream and watch sad movies with her when her heart breaks, right before the inevitable conclusion when all her dreams come true. I'd be the Bonnie Hunt to someone's Meg Ryan. Yes, that's who would play me: Bonnie Hunt.

But you know, even Bonnie got her own talk show, so I think I'm doing alright...

i didn't want to wake you up

but I really wanna show you something...




Watch the trailer:
http://www.apple.com/trailers/wb/wherethewildthingsare/


The images from the movie are really beautiful. But the book... the book freaked me out as a child. I still used to read it a lot, but I would honestly read every book I owned a lot. And as I still remember it quite vividly, it apparently did make an impressive impact on my young psyche. Flipping through the pages of the classic story today makes my heart flutter nostalgically.

So I have a soft spot for Max and his weird, freaky friends. The pictures were fascinating, and while for certain I did not comprehend the true meaning of the escapist story, subconsciously perhaps I could relate even then. Even though you promise yourself as a child that you will never forget, eventually you do forget what it's like to think like one. Who can say whether I was truly touched by the tale as a kid, or I am putting some special value on it now, now that it's become a highly anticipated feature film? I am just not sure.

Either way, I am not necessarily completely excited for the movie. Watching the trailer, I like it, but I generally remain completely unaffected. I doubt I will even end up seeing it. The alternate world, no matter how enchantingly it is presented, just doesn't interest me enough. The story, I already know. Watching the trailer is enough. I can see where it's going, what it's going to be like, and by not watching the movie, I won't be disappointed!

I just can't muster up the energy to care at all about the film. Instead, I'd rather just dust off my copy of the book once again...

family matters

Oh 80's sitcoms. How I love thee. Thank God for Nick at Night.

Watching Family Matters right now. It's interesting the things you find to do when trying to avoid actual work.

Highlights:

Silly jokes like, Eddie: "Hey Waldo, how do I look?" Waldo: "With your eyes."

Corny lesson-learned type speeches like, Carl: "Well Laura, if it seems too good to be true, it probably is."

Semi-racist jokes that you couldn't get away with after 1992 like Carl's imitation of a convenience store owner-- some kind of "ethnic" accent?!?

It reminds me of the good old days when floral curtains and carpets where in, Dads wore Cosby sweaters, all sons cared about was getting dates and teenage daughters just wanted to wear make up, and the lesson was learned at the end of the day.

Yeah, technically Family Matters aired more during the 90's, but as a spin-off of Perfect Strangers (trivia alert!), it retains that oh so wholesome 80's spirit.

And as a conclusion, here is my haiku to Alex P. Keaton, #1 crush. The only reason why I watched Family Ties. And yes, a haiku is a little ironic, I'll admit.

young republican:
sweater vests, pills, wall street talks;
chess, and courtney cox

Cool beans.

who watches the watchmen?

Everybody watches the Watchmen, apparently.

Which is weird. It's weird how comic book movies are made to be mainstream blockbusters, when in reality comics are for such a niche community. Of the 100 people in the theater last night, how many of them actually read the graphic novel? Because of all the hype, I wonder if a lot of people are going to be disappointed. Reading the comic, all I could think was how are they going to make this into a movie? It's dark, and long, and generally not the type of story everyone "gets" or likes.

Going in, I wasn't expecting much. But you know, maybe because I had low expectations, I actually thought the movie was really good. I really liked it.

What I enjoyed most about it was it's visual aspects. It was filmed very fluidly, and in a way that kept you stimulated throughout (even though it was long... oh so very long...). And I could appreciate all the little set details and the peripheral characters in the background who played a larger role in the book. The movie looked just like the comic. And it made my geeky little heart happy.

The movie was amazingly faithful to the graphic novel. But since everything was condensed, it lacked the same emotional heft of the book. Which is really the whole point of the story. I mean, they took out Tales of the Black Freighter! Understandable, but that story within the story was the most haunting and powerful part of the story.

Watching the film is kind of like watching a tribute band. The notes are right and the lyrics are correct, but something fundamental is missing. I can imagine most people who haven't read the book leaving the theater thinking, "What's the big fucking deal?" And by just watching the movie, they'd be right.

all the small things

Sometimes it's the little things that keep you going. You can have a craptastic day, and all it takes is one little comment to turn it around. Maybe not completely, but at least it'll stop you from walking straight off the edge.

Scene: Working at retail store developed in hell

Manager: blah blah blah... do a lot of things. SMILE! =D
Me: Ok! (I did not get enough sleep to be doing this... grumble)
Customers: Oooo! That's cute! (gets in my way)
Me: Are you finding everything ok? :] (grumble grumble grumble)
Customers: Yes, thank you.
Me: OK! (grumble)
Little Girl: Can you help me get this down?
Me: Sure! What size do you want?
Little Girl: Oh... small. And medium. And maybe a large.
Me: OK! (seriously???)
Little Girl: (kind of quitely:) You're pretty
Me: (...What? did you just say...) Um, thanks! (OMG CAN I HUG YOU?) Here you go! (SMILING!)

So thanks, little girl. You made my day. And for the record, you are way cuter than I am, or ever was.

Sometimes I wish I was one of those people that could just have random conversations with people. For some reason, people really enjoy having them with me. I would never initiate anything myself.

Scene II: Walking to the bus stop after class

Me: (listening to my iPod-- "nothing says "fuck off" more than a pair of headphones")
Random middle-aged German (?) guy: Good music?
Me: (Did he just ask about my music? I'm not sure I heard right...) *smiles and nods
RMAG?G: You like music?
Me: (*takes off headphones) Yeah. :)
RMAG?G: What are you studying in school?
Me: Um, journalism.
RMAG?G: Oh that's great! You know it's hard to get into because there aren't any more newspapers! They're all closing down!
Me: I know! It makes me worried...
(start to head in different directions)
RMAG?G: Good luck!
Me: Ha. Thanks!!

First of all, kudos for him for approaching me while I was listening to my iPod. That's tough to do. But I always welcome conversations with strangers (seriously-- it can get pretty interesting!) and that was probably one of the most random ones. Usually you're like waiting in line for somthing, but this guy just comes out of nowhere. Plus, he had an accent, which is always awesome. So that day, when all I could think about was getting home and not having to deal with any more people, this guy comes along and gives me a conversation to smile about. Not even a thrilling one with any substance, but just his friendliness is enough.

Conclusion? Yeah... sometimes a little human contact is a good thing (that's what she said), even for those of us who are very antisocial, and slightly agoraphobic, to say the least.

baby, i'm amazed

It's amazing what you end up doing when you're trying to procrastinate doing something actually important. I rated the songs on my iPod. I cleaned my closet. I'm putting up a post! So anyway, I don't even know what to write about. I feel so out of practice, and those creative juices just ain't flowing.

For a little inspiration, here's a quote I've been thinking about recently: "Isn't it amazing how differently two people can feel about the same thing?"

That's not an exact quote, and I really have no idea what it's from, and now that I think about it, I might have come up with it myself. The point is, what I'm applying it to right now is the always tricky topic of relationships. Because just the fact that you can be absolutely, totally and completely in love with someone, having it consume you like a storm raging within, and have the other person smile at you back benignly oblivious to what you feel... well what are you suppose to do about that?

Let's say for instance, that he (or she) can accidentally brush your hand. To them it's a moment to be filed away between kicking a pebble earlier that day and buying a bag of chips from the vending machine. But to you it is Life. It is the fantastical beginning of what you can hope will be more. It is the moment you will recall someday, as you say to that person, "What? That's when you fell in love with me? For me, it was when you brushed my hand...."

Crushes are not fun. They are difficult. They make you excited, and sad, and confused. Of my crushes, I would think: every time you look away, every time you talk to someone else, every time you do not gravitate towards me every time I think "If you kiss me now, I would not stop you," I am reminded that every time I think of you is every time you are not thinking of me.

Eventually I stop wishing for you to notice me. Instead, I dream for someone to walk into the room and make me forget all about you. So then I won't care if you don't even notice that I am gone. But damn it, I wish you would. Don't you know that you standing there, just your presence, is breaking my heart?

why i've been gone so long

Why have I been MIA? Well basically, I had nothing to write about. The more I actually do, the less I have time and energy to dedicate to thinking up something to write about, never mind actually writing anything.

But then I realized, HEY. I can and should do both! Write and live, I mean. Because looking at this list, I haven't really done much. I have my own personal bucket list, but here's 100 things from someone else's. The thing's I've done are in bold. How few and far between... =(

1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band (does a fake one with no instruments count? what about a band with a kick ass name, that doesn't ever play? because if that's the case, there's 2 right there!)
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower (never end up seeing anything!)
6. Given more than you can afford to charity (one day)
7. Been to Disneyland
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis (i never even see them. maybe once in my entire life...)
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped (never)
12. Visited Paris (i wish)
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child (maybe)
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept overnight on a train (i slept in a bus before)
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you're not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden a gondola in Switzerland
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen Amish country
36. Taught yourself a new language (french, for exactly 1 week)
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied (not anymore...)
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing (after i get in shape!)
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke (hehehe)
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling (ok, not completely...)
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater (i wish!)
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi concentration camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt (damn proud of that too!)
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job (essentially that's what it was... =/ )
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book (one day!)
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible (i read Genesis one night...)
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous (err... how famous?)
92. Joined a book club (started one!)
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit (very distantly... i got like $14 out of it)
98. Owned a cell phone (uhh...)
99. Been stung by a bee
100. One cavity or less