on love and lost

It’s hard getting past the debris, the little ways someone you used to love has littered your life. The song he would play in the car every time the two of you drove down to the beach. His favorite movie where he could quote every line. The sticker he put on the wall—the one you tried to peel off, but the sticky remains stick stubbornly in place. Encounter any of these… and all it does is remind you that the memories are really all that you have left of him. Time heals all wounds, but love has a carbon life—and it seems to linger even when it’s dead.

~*~*~*~* ~*~*~*~*~*~*

Growing up you learn something about long distance friendships. It’s all about what it’s worth to you, and how you learn to deal that decides how well you stay in touch. After high school, after college, after your first job, you move away—and you move away alone. It would be nice to take your best friend, your (soon to be ex) boyfriend, or even your parents, along for the ride, but the car’s only got room for one passenger, and you aren’t as thin as you used to be, so no squeezing!

But as people, we’re adaptive animals, and we learn to live without the ones we love inhabiting our lives every day. Soon, you get so used to not having them around, that you’d barely know what to do with them if they suddenly moved next door. You keep in touch with letters, or emails, or phone calls, but for the everyday headaches, and troubles, and happiness, and laughter… you find someone else to share those things with.

It becomes a different kind of relationship, a long distance one, and it doesn’t have to be any less deep, or close, or important, it just changes. I wish you could be here, you think into the cosmics, some random point on some random day, wondering if the person you love is thinking the same thing. But they’re not there with you no matter how hard you wish, and while it sucks, it’s okay too. Because if you did your job right, you know they’ll always be there for you, even if they’re a thousand miles away.

~*~*~*~* ~*~*~*~*~*~*

I lost my favorite pair of socks, and aside from wondering “How does one lose a pair of socks?” I can’t help but think, “WHY that pair of socks, of all my pairs of socks?!”

I never thought much of it when I had it. But suddenly, now that it’s gone, boy do I miss it.