Grocery Shopping 101

Sure, you should make a practical list of all those things you want to buy at the store, but where’s the fun in that?! This is how I like to shop for my groceries, and wow does that money go fast! =(

1. Show up hungry. This way, you can gage what grub you’re feeling the most. Impulse buys happen all the time, so there’s no need to feel guilty! People will think you’re lonely if you go in and out with a half empty cart, of sensible things like bread and hot pockets. Buy big bags of chips and cookies you know you’ll only eat half of, then forget about, and have to throw the rest away. Buy these, and look like a cool person throwing down some awesome party. And bonus, since you’re not actually throwing a party, you get to eat it all yourself!!!

2. Forget your shopping list at home. That way, you’ll be sure to forget something, probably what you were going to the store to get in the first place. It’s more interesting because then it leaves you with two options: either you make another trip to the store, and get to make even more impulse purchases! Or, you make do with what you have at home and get a little creative in the kitchen. Either way, you win. I’m not sure exactly how or why, but I do this a lot, so there must be something to it.

3. Buy brand names. People say it doesn’t really make a difference, but, my friend, IT TOTALLY DOES. Sure, it might taste the same. And how many ways can you really make lotion, or cotton balls? But YOU will know that you’re using some off-brand product, and why lower your standards like that? Come on, you know Honey Nut Cheerios are somehow way crunchier and honey-er than “Honey O’s.”

4. Buy things like pre-sliced meat and pre-packaged salad. It’s way more expensive, but it’ll cut your time in the kitchen by like, 30%. And they always say, Time is Money. Be smart about this. Make life a little easier for yourself.

5. Buy in bulk and on sale. So what if you don’t usually eat it? So what if you KNOW you can only eat one bag, but the sale is 3 for 4? If you get home and discover that, whoops, you really don’t want it after all, just give it away to your hungry friends. They’ll think you’re awesome, and that’ll totally make it worth the purchase. Because then you become the person with food all the time, and people will come over all the time, and…. Well, ok, that’d be kind of annoying. Don’t do this one too much. Just once in a while.